Almost a year ago, I introduced you to the circumstances of a young man who’d been blindsided when his girl friend dumped him. To read the post click here.
He was devastated to say the least. Broken beyond words he reached out to Auntie and we worked through it together.
This was not an easy experience for him. But I don’t want you think it was easy for the young lady involved either.
She broke up with him, and that took a lot of courage on her side because I’m sure she knew how much it was going to hurt him.
I don’t know the young lady but I applaud her for living her truth too.
Now, going back to that time, there was a lot of hurt feelings and seemingly unsaid pleas that he wanted to share with her… to explain… to apologize… to question… to convince her to change her mind… to declare his undying love.
Anyone who’s ever been dumped knows that feeling of wanting to be heard, but in this particular instance, the young lady wanted no contact. That was her choice. I told him he needed to respect that. It took everything in him–I mean, he had to dig deep–but he didn’t chase her or call etc.
After many long talks and lots of tears I was able to convey a few things to him.
First
Though it feels like you’ll die from a broken heart–you won’t. I promise.
Now, I don’t want anyone to negate those powerful physical and emotional aches, but you will survive.
When you feel like you can’t cry anymore or pick yourself up, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who will listen and support.
You don’t need advice or even a bitch session to trash the other party… you just need to be heard.
If you don’t have a friend or Auntie that you want to talk to, try writing in a journal to purge the negativity.
Second
You will love again–someday, when the time is right.
This is the most difficult for those in the throes of a broken heart to actually believe. I’ve personally heard on several occasions (heck I may have even had the thoughts myself at one point)….
I’ll never love anyone again and no one will ever love me. That person was the only person that I’ll EVER love… I’m going to die without them… I’m doomed to spend eternity alone… ugly, single, and undesirable…
from Auntie’s Brain…
Third
Stay single for a year to heal and get to know yourself again.
When I say this, I mean… no sex (that includes casual or one night stands… no means no), no dating, no relationships… One Year. That is your gift to yourself and your heart in order to be ready to accept someone else into your life again.
One year may seem like a long time but I have faith that you can do anything for one year.
The thing about waiting and stepping back is that it helps you see more clearly.
The last thing you want to do is jump into another relationship too quickly.
Hindsight is helpful and you can’t get that until you’ve gone through the pain and come out the other side.
Chances are, when you sit down and really look back on your relationship, you’ll be able to see where things weren’t as strong as you thought you were or perhaps your behavior/attitude needs some work.
Take the time and do the work. It’s worth it and will make you stronger moving forward.
Update
I received an email a couple weeks ago from the young man who inspired the first post about being blindsided. Well, he almost made it….
“I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t quite make it a year (9.5 months), but taking the time to myself has paid off in full. Your advice helped me through one of the darkest times of my life and your kind and loving words made all the difference to me. You played a key role in helping me to find the clarity that I desperately needed and I will never forget that.
I’ve found a wonderful girl, and so far things are going swimmingly. I’m able to remain clear headed and positive and we have a high degree of communication that wouldn’t have been possible before.
So far so good.
Thank you Auntie Faye. From the bottom of my heart.”
Auntie Lesson
Never give up on yourself, or on love. There are times when we don’t have the control and things happen. Step back, heal, and look at life from a fresh perspective. You got this!! And to the young man who inspired these posts…You’re very welcome but really you did the work. And 9.5 months is pretty good. Wishing you the best going forward. xo
Such powerful life lessons, he’s lucky to have you as his wise aunt
Ahhhh, Thanks Beth. xoxox
I agree. Today, people rush to someone. Move in and they find out. The person is not right. Date, be friends, talk. I believe very important. Meet the mother. You will learn the truth quickly. People, who disown parent. They will disown you very quickly too. My grandfather had the best old wisdom. One a liar, always a liar. Hello from Michigan and I enjoyed your wisdom shared.
Hi John. Yes. Sometimes everything seems to move too fast these days in the name of “love”. Someone told me once that I should always watch how a man treats his mother as she’ll treat his wife the same way. I don’t know if that’s true but my hubby def treats me and his mom with respect, dignity, and care. Coincidence? hmmm….don’t think so. Thank you for weighing in with all your wisdom. So appreciate you stopping by.
That is great wisdom you shared. If a man respect his mother. A good sign he was taught right. I enjoyed your work and you are welcome Faye.
Hi Faye Auntie and viewers. Your posts are insightful and I would really appreciate some advice from you regarding my recent breakup. I am in a same sex relationship and we were together for almost 3 years. She broke up with me via text over a month ago. When we met for the very last time, she was reluctant to have a proper conversation. In fact I was the one who requested that from her. She was very cold and distant towards me and mostly blamed me; using phrases like ‘you need to…’ and she did add that she was tired and it was pressurizing. Just some context…she had got on a new job just that week and suddenly decided to focus on her career. That was a decision she had made without including me in some sort of a discussion, prolly shows that she did not take my views into consideration? I feel blindsided but there is nothing much I can do because she is the one who dumped me. Am finding it really hard to move on though. What do you guys think? Will she come back?
Instead of answering here, I did a post on your situation. I hope you see it.