There’s a point in childhood–maybe around the time when school starts–when outside influence has more power than our own thoughts, dreams, and desires.
Upon entering school, kids are immediately genderfied and labeled. All of a sudden a little boy refuses to where pink, doesn’t want to play dress-up anymore, or a child’s choice of food/style/look/speech/individuality is judged… it comes from all directions and takes a huge toll on building our self-esteem, but also in tearing it down.
The power shifts to peers though parents are there to mop up the fallout which could resemble confusion, questions, and defiance.
As the kids get older, teenaged, the muddled messages don’t come through as strong as they used to because they’re more overt and we become filled with guilt and longing. Do we have choice? What happens if you make a choice that the collective doesn’t approve of?
Before you jump on me and tell me that it never happened to you… I know, I know… but unless you were completely kept out of societal norms/school/sport/etc. there’s a piece somewhere within you that I bet you’d like to have back.
We all know that hindsight is 20-20, but if you look back now to your teen years, what one thing would you tell yourself?
Would it be a piece of advice?
Perhaps it would be a warning to watch for certain pitfalls.
Is it a regret? Perhaps you bullied someone? Maybe you cheated on a test? or on a boyfriend? Did you push someone? Perhaps you didn’t push yourself? Did you lie? Maybe you judged someone (or some group) just because everyone else did?
I really had to think about this because as a teen I always felt awkward, lonely, and misunderstood. Was there only one thing?
Times were different. We didn’t have the internet and the world was very closed.
There always seemed to be a lot of shame associated with being a young woman. I’m not sure if that was felt by young men too? Tell me…
Back in the day, you were easily labeled, ignored, degraded, embarrassed, or dismissed. I don’t think that’s changed too much over the years and still happens though through different mediums and processes.
Now, it’s been a few years since I was in high school, and while I have no specifics–I remember the deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. Where the hell did that come from? I don’t think this is unusual… or perhaps I’m fooling myself. idk.
At my age now, I’m okay. I’ve worked through most of the crappy stuff, but I’ll tell you, my 20’s were a huge challenge and I’d like to go back and do things differently. But then, would I still be “me”?
We are the sum of our experiences, aren’t we? sigh…
So, my best piece of advice to any young person who’s stuck where I was… is this–
You can be who and what you are without judgement. Trust your gut–that little voice within you is real… the one saying that he’s not the best guy for you, or this is not a wise choice…. Listen. You’ll be okay if you choose yourself. Make your world, your way. Your instincts will guide you if you let them.
Faye Arcand. Auntie Says…
What would you tell your younger self?
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