Auntie Says, Auntie Says...

A Letter to Those Who Offer Support After the Break Up. The Do’s and Don’ts of What to Do.

Photo by burak kostak on

Break ups are hard and they can be made harder by those around you who think they’re being supportive.

This is short, simple, and to the point.

If this is happening to you… share this post with the person. No explanation required.


Dear Friends and Family,

It’s true, my relationship is broken. It appears to be over and I am grieving. I’ve shared that truth with you, but while I really appreciate your support there’s something I need you NOT to do.

Please do NOT bash my former partner.

Every time you do, it hurts me.

That was someone I chose to be with and when you tell me how horrible they are, it makes me want to defend them–and I don’t have that energy at this time.

Source: Unsplash Nick Fewings

It makes me think that everyone disliked my partner all along.

Does this make me stupid to have stayed with such a horrible person? Perhaps you’re lying now? then?

How will you feel if we reconcile?

If you badmouth my ex-partner to support me, it’s not helping.

A piece of my heart will always belong to them. That is what love is, even when it ends badly.

Please don’t tell me you “knew” all along that the relationship wasn’t going to work.

You have no idea what our good time or our bad times looked like. You only knew what I shared with you and believe me, that wasn’t everything.

Don’t tell me…

  • the person was a loser.
  • that you never liked them anyway.
  • I can do better.
  • it was bound to happen.
  • about other partners.
  • I’ll find someone else.
  • you “saw it coming”?
  • that the “writing was on the wall”
  • “it’s none of my business but…”
  • to stop crying.
  • they’re not worth it.

Please. I want you to support me… I really do. But do it without the negativity. I’ve had enough of that and really need time to reflect, heal, and grieve.

Here’s how you may be able to help me.


  • Hold me when I need to be held.
  • Listen without judgement.
  • Don’t give advice right now…
  • Bring me chocolate.
  • Take me for a drive just to get out of the house.
  • Listen to music/watch TV with me.
  • Let me be silent.
  • Give me a good meal.
  • Stay in touch. Just because I don’t want to talk doesn’t mean I want to be alone.
  • Ask me how I’m doing.
  • You may need to remind me to take a shower.
  • Come and sit with me and let me cry.
  • Make sure I have a box of tissues.
  • Just be there.

Thank you for your support. xoxoxo

Source: Unsplash Kelly Sikkema

Auntie Advice:

One thing that I want you to consider if you’re going through a relationship break down is that you’re not alone. Even if your family or friends are in another location, there are many support groups online and in most communities. Here are some other posts about break ups. Check them out.

Break Up Blindside

Break Ups Aren’t Easy

Do You Know the Signal for Help

Reach out, read, write… do what you need to do for yourself to get over the rough times. Remember to find Auntie too. xo

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