Today, I want to leave you something to think about. Read the post and then let me know your thoughts. I’m really curious to hear what people have to say about fakeness, fear, and small talk, in relation to social anxiety.
Making small talk is difficult. Asking people about themselves when you don’t care to know the answer seems pointless, but that’s exactly what it is. How sad is that? Seems sorta pointless doesn’t it?
So here’s an example of the ‘real’ thing. How do you respond to someone who’s whining about the price of Jimmy Chu shoes? or Talks endlessly about the weather? or Says climate change is bunk?
Just think about it for a couple of minutes and let me know your thoughts in the comments. Is there a level of authenticity in someone who with social anxiety that there’s just no way they can even respond to such ‘small talk’? Hmm…
So for today, observe the small talk around you. What do you think? Is it all fake? Is it necessary? What are some alternatives?
Mel Robbins has some great stuff that she discusses and has you work on. Her book The High Five Habit is frikken amazing and reminds you to be kinder to yourself, each and every day.
I’ll share more of her stuff, but for now I’ve included the link.
Be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up.
Here are a couple of other posts I wrote about social anxiety/social awkwardness. Please feel free to share them.
Do You Consider Yourself Socially Awkward? Part One.
Do You Consider Yourself Socially Awkward? Part Two.
Stop it With the Fat Ass Put Downs.
I hope you enjoyed reading this post. Please like, comment, and follow.
8 thoughts on “Is Social Anxiety More About Being Real Than Being Bungling and Nervous? What do You Think?”
It could be you feel more authentic but I don’t think the person offering small talk up really wants you to talk about the weather either. I think they’re also trying to manage the uncomfortableness of meeting other humans and wanting to get to know them. And if someone says to you “raining again,” are they really telling you the forecast? I think they’re saying “I’m feeling a bit rubbish at the moment.” That’s my perspective but then you know Brits do make a past time after discussing the weather!!
I agree, everyone’s trying to make the best of feeling somewhat uncomfortable especially if you’re meeting for the first time.
apeacefulfultree. Agreed. It’s tough to know what to say isn’t it? No script. No rules. I do think tho that many who feel that anxiety are way too hard on themselves. Now THAT makes me sad. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. So appreciated. xo
Hi Claudiarachel. I hear what you’re saying. It can be really difficult to determine the intent behind words…I think if you also suffer from social anxiety and perhaps that stress from being around others then yeah, to find authenticity could be difficult and daunting. I believe too that there’s too much overthinking… I’ve never had difficulty chatting with a Brit. They don’t get me though! lol… Thanks for stopping by and commenting. It’s an interesting subject and I appreciate you taking the time to comment. xo
I think small talk is necessary when meeting someone for the first time. Sometimes it’s a lead up to more in depth conversation and finding out what they are about or finding something in common.
Fake people are easy to spot. Conversation will be all about them and don’t want to give you a chance to speak because they are not interested in what you have to say.
Oh Heather, you bring up such valid points. It’s really tru, isn’t it? A fake shows quickly. The me-me-me type of talk. Small talk is an art that isn’t taught anywhere and should come naturally but doesn’t for some. For me it’s tough when I see someone who’s anxious get even more so because they don’t know what to say. Sometimes it’s just hard enough to say Hello. sigh. Thanks Heather. I love your comments. xoxo
Sometimes, small talk is so ingrained into habit that there is nothing else to say. However, I have seen some with social anxiety and most of those I have seen who are anxious don’t talk at all and it is even more awkward but to me that is authentic. At work, there was this girl who wouldn’t look up, she wouldn’t answer the phone basically she was terrified. I made one joke and had her laughing so hard she couldn’t help talking and the conversation led to meaningful memories of sharing hearts even when guarding ourselves. Sometimes it is those awkward times in the elevator where talking about dogs, or the current flooding is the only thing to talk about. Habits are hard to break, but sharing current news can be a time where the authentic human met a story that both shared even if it was habit.
OVV Thank you so much for commenting. I love what you’ve said about the young girl you worked with. For some, the anxiety is so parlaying that they can’t respond even if they wanted to. Making a connection with any type of small talk and common base is huge. Thank you for doing that. That girl will remember it for a long time.
Too many judge their silence as being snotty or rude but they really don’t know what to say. I agree…things like the daily news or big world items like global warming, climate change, over population….may draw them out in different situation.
Habits ARE difficult to break for all parties involved. Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I like the way you think. 🙂