Are you Familiar with Mel Robbins?
I first tripped upon Mel Robbins’ work on Audible. Her book was free for one month so I scooped it up and plugged it in to listen.
Well, I certainly wasn’t disappointed.
Mel Robbins is a loud, enthusiastic speaker who likes to drop the odd f-bomb and tell it like she sees it.
She’s smart. A bit bossy. Sometimes over the top. But also full of compassion, wisdom, first-hand knowledge, and wisdom.
Mel, is a motivational speaker, author, and podcaster. Here’s the start of her Wikipedia page.
Melanie Robbins (née Schneeberger[1] on October 6, 1968) is an American podcast host, author, motivational speaker, and former lawyer. She is known for her TEDx talk, “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over”;[2] and her books, The 5 Second Rule[3] and The High 5 Habit,[4] as well as host of The Mel Robbins Podcast.
Wikipedia
So Here’s Why I Ask…
I recently saw her on an Instagram reel.
Now, I’m not here to toot Ms. Robbins’ horn. Not at all. I just like her straightforward approach to the world and her admittance to her own flaws like anxiety and avoidance.
Anyway, here’s what she said on that short Instagram reel.
There are three things that you must come to terms with in life. They are:
Mel Robbins
- If they wanted to, they would have.
- No response, is a response.
- Not everyone has the same values, the same goals, or the same heart as you.
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So Simple. So Direct.
These three things really resonated with me.
I think the first one is the hardest to admit because it deals so directly to other people…
If they wanted to, they would… Oh how true.
As we wait for answers or action from others, we forget that if they really wanted to do whatever it is we require of them, it would have been done. There would be no waiting or broken expectations.
When this happens, and we’re waiting, it wreaks not only of desperation, but of rejection and lack of self-confidence.
We need to trust ourselves more and appreciate the simple wisdom that others do have the ability to show up for us, but it’s their choice. We can’t do anything about it.
The second one: no response, is a response, is on each of us.
It’s saying we need to listen to our gut, know when to step back, and allow others their boundaries.
To push someone to answer/respond is asking for possibly something they can’t give. That’s not fair. No response, is a response.
The third is another simple reality that we often forget or push aside to ram through an agenda.
Face it: Not everyone has the same values, the same goals, or the same heart as you.
Others may not be as passionate as you are about a subject, or care about education or money.
If someone tries to derail your goals, shame you in any way, or disrespect who you are as a person, then walk away. People who will treat you like that are not who you want to be with. Trust me on that.
You may think you know someone only to see a different side of them in a time of crisis, stress, or even joy.
Individual thought and choice are something we need to consider as we jostle our way through our lives.
While there’s shared experiences, there’s also private backgrounds and prior realities that make each person a unique and special package.
So Simple yet Not So Simple…
Even knowing these things, we forget three simple things as we go about our daily business.
Often times you’ll fail to see the person behind the personality, or an intention within a request.
It’s okay. Don’t fret. Life is complicated and moves fast. You can’t be expected to sit down and check your notes about what you **need to remember **.
Nah, live your life.
Do your best.
These three simple facts of life can be revisited at any time. They can also surface in your memory when an incident calls for it.
Be you. Talk soon.
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I’m glad this spoke to you, Faye, but I strongly disagree with the first one. (The second two, sure.) Maybe there’s some context I’m missing that makes the first one true. But at the moment, I don’t see it.
I know people with ADHD and anxiety and there are LOTS of things they really WANT to do, but simply can’t. These are invisible disabilities that prevent them from being able to do some of the things they want to do, whether for themselves or for others. These conditions prevent them from doing what they want to do, just as a broken leg would prevent you from sprinting, no matter how much you wanted to. 🙂
Hey Zena. Thanks for reading and commenting. What you say makes a lot of sense and reminds me that I can’t/shouldn’t make blanket statements without an explanation.
I think, generally speaking, most people will show you via their actions toward you and you must be willing to accept the reality. There are always exceptions–like the ones you mentioned.
When I read “if they wanted to, they would” I think of “promises made” or “showing up” for a friend. Does that make sense? It’s not about ability so much as it is about respect, personalities, and follow through.
Those with ADHD/anxiety/social disabilities do struggle with the invisible barriers that hold them hostage. I completely agree with that assessment, but they are not the ones not showing up. In fact, I’d say a lot of people don’t show up for them.
It wouldn’t be fair to lump all of those people you describe as being unable to follow through on their words/promises.
In the post, it’s more about people showing you who they really are. I should have been clearer.
I hope this makes a bit more sense now. 🤔
This is such a great post and so true! Something that goes right along with “If they wanted to , they would” is “If you have to Google why they’re doing something that stresses you out, that’s a bad sign.” Things that are meant to be with someone will just work. There should never be any confusion or hurt.
Hi Sara. I love that. It completes that first part doesn’t it? Too many young people may take the confusion/hurt/mystery as the norm or they may feel uncomfortable questioning the behaviour. Thank you for your wisdom and kind words. ox
Yes that is so true. I was like this fairly recently, but I finally learned. I love your blog posts!
Hi Sara. The important thing is the lesson learned. Good for you. Thanks for the kind words. So appreciated.
😊❤️
Thank you, Faye, for your common sense and down-to-earth advice. Never fails. 🙂
Cheers!
Thanks for your kind words Corinne. You’ve made my day. xo