Happy New Year. As we finally exit the notorious 2020, I’d like you to take a look at the year ahead and examine how your thinking or internal dialogue will affect it.
When it comes to thinking about yourself, what is the focus and where does it come from? Is it an internal loop of self doubt, or do you base your reasoning on tangible truths.
Do you tend to overanalyze a situation and get stuck in what wasn’t said but what your intuition sees as being implied or truths unspoken?
A while ago I met a young woman who described herself as “abrasive and unlikable”…those were her words. In my opinion she was neither.
She’s in her mid 20’s, very attractive, fit, and presents herself as a professional. I was taken aback by her self effacing talk and told her what I saw.
She explained that in her eyes, she never really felt worthy or good enough and knew she couldn’t compete with those around her—especially other woman. She told me that in high school she was very shy and she simply “knew” others didn’t like her so she put up a wall and never took it down.
This negative thinking on her part made me so sad.
She embraced a crusty and defensive stance simply because she allowed herself to believe lies she told herself. She constantly compared herself to others and “knows” what others are thinking about her without actually experiencing it.
All of this false rhetoric has created a terrible echo in her head as she constantly tells herself she’s not good enough.
This is not only unfair to her, but to others as well. Every time she judges herself, she’s judging someone else. This is so unfair.
Does it sound familiar?
Such negative thinking isn’t necessarily unique, but for some it’s allowed to fester in the brain and the message becomes internalized as real and is lived out day after day.
As we progress into this new year, it’s a great time to reflect on your internal dialogue and perhaps make some changes.
This is your power. It is incredibly strong and purposeful and it’s within you.
Consider the situations you encounter and internalize on a daily basis. What do you tell yourself. What parts do you obsess on? Do they loop around your head as they become a part of you?
Do you ever silently beat yourself up emotionally over and over for things you’ve said, or didn’t say?
Did? or Didn’t do?
Should or shouldn’t have done?
All simple and mundane actions or words have the ability to spin out of control and get in your head whether coming from your best friend, a co-worker or complete stranger.
The day can be lost when a comment, a look, or gesture gets caught in that loop in your head that won’t let you rest because you’ve convinced yourself that you’ve made an egregious error and force yourself to live it over and over.
Don’t let the spiral get out of control? Use your power to stop it.
A downwards descent into self doubt, anxiety, and depression—boom—just like that.
You felt positive about the day when you left home only to slide quickly into the proverbial rabbit hole of darkness and isolation by your own thoughts.
Don’t Give Your Power Away.
In situations, others may be lost in their own spiral or feel too anxious to say hello because they don’t feel worthy. Use your power to turn the situation around. Not everything is about you.
What’s really happening is, that like the young woman who sees herself as abrasive, you’re stuck in your brain as judge and jury without a trial.
You need to determine if there is truth in the thoughts or whether you’ve made them all up.
If you begin to recognize the false thoughts you may be able to pull yourself back enough to reevaluate the situation and your conclusions.
The mind is so powerful and you can find the strength to realize that not all thoughts belong—they’re false, they’re damaging, they’re toxic.
Close your eyes and imagine putting them in an envelop, sealing it and mailing them away. They don’t belong in your life.
I know, it may sound silly, but remember you’re the one in control of those thoughts and sending them away may be enough. Perhaps each time you think a negative thought, you have an envelop on standby and stuff it.
Positive affirmations are also very powerful and can help you. Click here to read more.
One that always works for me is to recite ‘not my circus-not my monkey’. Simply meaning that I’m not going to allow those outside thoughts into my brain.
Find some strength from deep within and remember that not everything you think, or even feel, is truth, and just because you think it, doesn’t mean that you have to believe it.
If you find yourself stuck in the negative thought patterns with no sign of breaking free, it may be time to seek help. Talk to you doctor about some mental health counseling or call your local help line or check for resource numbers here.
Let’s make 2021 different.
Use your power for your own good.