Just the other day I opened my site comments to find the following note.
Hi Faye Auntie and viewers. Your posts are insightful and I would really appreciate some advice from you regarding my recent breakup.
I am in a same sex relationship and we were together for almost 3 years.
She broke up with me via text over a month ago.
When we met for the very last time, she was reluctant to have a proper conversation. In fact I was the one who requested that from her. She was very cold and distant towards me and mostly blamed me; using phrases like ‘you need to…’ and she did add that she was tired and it was pressurizing.
Just some context…she had got on a new job just that week and suddenly decided to focus on her career. That was a decision she had made without including me in some sort of a discussion, prolly shows that she did not take my views into consideration?
I feel blindsided but there is nothing much I can do because she is the one who dumped me. Am finding it really hard to move on though. What do you guys think? Will she come back?“apeaceofmind1
I want to say that I’m sorry you’re going through this experience. Right now, I know it hurts like hell and all that your brain is focusing on is that other person. I’d like you to try focus on yourself and your own future.
First: Know That Your Pain is Very Real.
Though I can tell you in time that it’s going to get better, right now that doesn’t help. Take the time to feel the hurt. Cry and scream if you need to–it’s okay. You’re allowed.
Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of this relationship and what you thought it was.
Being blindsided (or feeling blindsided), is a shock to the system and we can begin to question our everyday reality. Be gentle with yourself and reflect carefully. A journal, a friends shoulder, an Auntie may be required. Don’t be afraid to speak your truth.
Second: Know You’re Not Alone.
Many have gone through this and made it through to the other side. You will too.
I still have deep-seated memories within me where, at one time, I sincerely believed I’d be the first-ever person on the planet to die from a broken heart.
I’d been dumped via a telephone call and I swear I heard the crack in my heart as it shattered. That was 25 years ago….he did me a favor but I didn’t know it at the time.
I called a friend. I’ll never forget. She said: “Tie and knot and hang on…I’ll be right there…” and she was.
Third: You Deserve the Best–Never. Ever. Doubt. That.
You need to treat yourself and your broken-blindsided heart with tenderness and love.
Remember to breathe.
Sleep. Wash. and Talk.
Put one foot in front of the other.
It will get easier eventually.
I know. I know. It’s tough but keep going.
You can, and will, do this.
The truth can be tough but here we go….
I don’t care if a relationship is same sex or not.
Loving someone and being in a caring relationship means nurturing a respect and love for the other person.
It doesn’t mean starting a new job after three years, changing direction, and whipping off a text to dump their partner.
Not only RUDE but also CRUEL and INSENSITIVE.
She Dumped you by Text…
My first question is: why would you want to be with anyone who dumped you via text. Like omg, that is so nasty it makes me want to spit. Errr…
On your last meeting she was “distant”, “cold” and “reluctant”.
Go back and read that again. She was distant, cold, and reluctant.
Stop and Think About it…
If a friend told you their boyfriend/partner treated them that way, where does your brain go? Hmm…maybe a little evasive? selfish?
Stop and really tap into how she made you feel. When a person cares about you they don’t make you feel bad about yourself or your feelings.
You were blindsided for sure, but you may have also just received a gift you didn’t know you deserved.
Do you Really Want this Person in Your Life?
If your answer is yes then I ask you, why?
She made very clear choices and has acted in such a way that leaves very little wiggle room for change.
I believe she’s moved on and her actions speak very clearly.
In My Opinion:
She’s not coming back and if she does, don’t open the door.
Turn and walk the other way.
Once a person has shown their true colors and the trust is gone, it is beyond difficult to rebuild–not impossible–but it takes true dedication. I’m not sure any of that is present here.
Three years is a long time and my heart really does break for you but like I said, concentrate on you.
What You Need To Do for YOU!
It’s been a month so you’ve put a little bit of space between you and the incident and now it’s time to distance yourself even further. For the next year make your life about you.
Stay single–no relationships. No one night stands, no hook-ups, nada.
I want you to heal and learn about yourself. You’re worth it. Don’t every doubt that. You can do anything for a year. You’ve only got another eleven months.
A blindside, though it feels like the end of the world, may be a new beginning. Stay true to yourself.
If you have any questions or comments, please don’t hesitate to put them in the comments section below.